topic: Baby Discipline

Michael: Of course you don’t discipline a tiny infant, but once your baby begins to grab and wave her arms purposefully, it’s time to let her know what’s not ok. I’m guessing this comes into play at about nine months or so, maybe a little sooner or a little later depending on your kid. It’s about the time she begins to crawl.

We use the “no-no” approach—first saying “no-no” when the baby does something like pull on Mommy’s jewelry, put something in her mouth that she shouldn’t be putting in her mouth, or even playfully smack Mommy’s face. If the baby doesn’t listen and seems to think she’s playing a game with you, she gets a sterner “no-no” and a little tug or a gentle smack on the hand. This leads to a crying fit, usually, but it’s ok. I mean, there’s no other way to communicate with an infant.

It doesn’t take even a little baby very long to begin to understand that “no-no” means “something’s wrong—I better stop.” The point is to let your child know that when you say “no-no,” her behavior must change, immediately. If it doesn’t, something worse than “no-no” WILL happen.

This “no-no” approach I’ve described has worked well for each of our three kids. We’ve encountered a lot of parents who only say “no-no” and never go any further. Guess what? Their kids don’t listen to them. And they don’t listen to other adults either. It portends trouble in dealing with more serious misbehavior down the line.

If you’re consistent and you follow through regarding tiny things like not letting your baby tug Mommy’s jewelry, you’re setting an important precedent that helps to build a solid foundation for having a well-disciplined child.

Anne: Ok, if you hear nothing, hear this: BE CONSISTENT! Michael is totally right with the discipline. You will know if your baby is ready. If she looks at you funny before she yanks at the lamp cord after you told her no-no, it's time for the little no-no slap on the hand. She knows she's doing something wrong, and she's communicating with you that she knows because she's looking at you funny. So don't let her down; reinforce what she thinks you mean with another no-no. If she still goes for it, time for the slap on the hand. We have done this only a few times with all three of our kids and what's amazing is that pretty soon no-no means no-no and they actually stop!

Now that our boys are seven and nine, they listen to us when we tell them what they should do or should stop doing, and we think it's due mainly to our consistency. For instance, when it's time to leave the party and we tell them so, they don't ignore us or whine about wanting to go down the slide "one more time," and they don't beg us to stay up later when we tell them it's time to brush teeth and head off to bed. They have learned that we mean what we say. Start 'em young!